You may have noticed that the past few months have been a bit dreary for me. If I’m totally honest with you, the past three months have been some of the darkest months of my life. I could give you the list of everything that’s been going on, but it would be neither appropriate nor beneficial. I want to tell you that I’m strong. I want to tell you that I have it all together. When you read my writing, I want you to think that I am an incredible mom, wife, and friend. I want you to see how completely sold out I am for Christ. After all, why would you think a crazy lady stuck in a pit of depression has anything to say? There’s always the temptation to pretend to be someone I’m not. And I realize that I fool no one with this charade.
I will be honest with you. It’s been dark. Dark. Lonely. Scary. Depressing.
Just last week, though, two friends opened my eyes. A five hour dinner woke me up from a long sleep.
I’ve been wrestling against the darkness, and that’s the very thing that has made me miserable. I’ve been trying to figure out how to escape the darkness.
What do I need to do, God???? What do you want me to do????
Nothing.
Moses knew darkness. When the people build a golden calf and God refuses to go any further with them, Moses begs God to change his mind. He knows that without God’s presence, any attempt is futile. So God listens. And to prove it, he tells Moses, “I will make all my goodness pass before you” (Exodus 33:19). But here’s the catch. It requires darkness first.
Verses 21-22
The Lord continued, “Look, stand near me on this rock. As my glorious presence passes by, I will hide you in the crevice of the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by.”
It must have been dark hidden there under God’s hand.
Could it be that the darkness is actually the safest place we could be? Could it be that when we feel life can’t get any darker, it’s because we are secured in the crevice of the rock, hidden by a nail-scarred hand while God’s goodness passes by? And if we stopped. If we stopped wrestling that hand, maybe, just maybe, we would catch a glimpse of His glory?
And then suddenly we’d realize that it’s actually in the darkness that we see HIM. We would realize that an unexpected friendship is actually the revelation of his heart. The failure you can’t get over is actually the greatest expression of his grace. The person who hurt you is actually the stairway to a new level of his affection. The loss of one dream is actually the doorway to a place greater than your wildest dreams.
Be still and know that I AM GOD.
Can we ever truly KNOW God unless we are still? Unless we stop wrestling against his hand?
This is my year to stop.
This is my year to simply be.
I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions. I’m more of the daily resolution kind of girl. Today I won’t yell at my kids…Today I won’t get mad when my husband comes home late…Today I will let go of that hurt…Today I won’t eat ten chocolate chip cookies…Today I will be patient, kind, loving, skinny, energetic…perfect. Hah!
It’s a recipe for disaster. It’s a recipe for darkness.
What do you want me to DO God????? Nothing.
Today…
Instead of trying to be a good mom, I will be still and know that HE IS GOD.
Instead of trying to be patient, I will be still and know that HE IS GOD.
Instead of trying to overcome my anger, I will be still and know HE IS GOD.
Instead of trying to measure up to who I think I should be, I will be still and know HE IS GOD
Instead of trying to manipulate my dreams into reality, I will be still and know HE IS GOD.
Instead of trying to find purpose, I will be still and know HE IS GOD.
Instead of trying to muster up grace for others, I will be still and know HE IS GOD.
Instead of striving for worth, I will be still and know HE IS GOD.
And maybe if I’m still long enough, I will actually KNOW him. Not the God I’ve conjured up in my head. Not the God I think he should be. Not the God I expect to find. No, I will KNOW him as HE IS.
I have a feeling that all the other things will fall into place.
And maybe, just maybe, the people around me will look my way and realize that I’m not there anymore. No, they will look my way and stop for just a moment because they see God’s goodness passing by.
7 comments:
Melissa, thank you for not blogging about how unbelievably crafty you are, how your kids just HAVE to be the cutest in all the world, or how much you love, love and can't live without your new favorite product. In a world full of meaningless and non-lifechanging info, you have chosen to let Christ be the center. Thank you. He has used you to touch me this morning and I tremble and rejoice at the same time wondering how He will mix it up for me.
thank you for this. such good reminders.
i saw selah at rmca last thursday. i fell in love with that little place and miss carla. wow. avery's all signed up.
I HEAR you girl! I have been calling out to GOD myself....because I can't get through "this" (my issues) without HIM. I am trying to HEAR HIM when I am still...because He IS God. Thanks for sharing.
Martha Taylor
Melissa - I had to double check and see who wrote this blog.....because the things you said so parallel my life (except that I am older). Today I tried to explain to a friend how I needed compassion, not criticism. That I am clueless in why the world has me turned upside down and why the God that I know is ever present is at the moment hidden from my sight. All I can say is that what you have written is beautiful and heartfelt and it isn't that we have to have it all together but that instead we know that we are loved enough by God, just as we are. Even knowing this, I can still find I struggle and then I realize it is that I want things my way and for God to agree with me!
Thank you for your insight and beautiful ability to relate to us (everyday human beings!)
LVOE THIS. One of my heart's desires for this year is to be able to REST. A difficult task most days. Love ya girl
All of you beautiful ladies! Thank you for your words of encouragement. I pray each of you will find rest in the shadow of His wings this week. He doesn't ask for perfection. He doesn't even ask for us to try to be everything we wish we could be. He simply asks us to remain in Him, and He will do it through us!!
I am a little late reading this but this scripture always helps me when life gets hard: John 16:33. I loved the post. Thanks.
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