What IF...?

She’s only seven years old.  And it feels like only yesterday I held her in my arms for the first time. That moment when I was somehow entrusted with this fragile life. That moment when suddenly the fear of losing her became my constant companion. So how is it possible that I am walking her down the terminal where I will entrust her to a stranger’s arms for the next two hours, thousands of miles up in the air?

She looks up at me, trying to be brave, but unable to contain the tears that drop like daggers into my soul.           

“I’m just going to miss you so much,” she whispers as the flight attendant reaches out to take her hand.”

I smile and tell her everything will be okay. “You’re going to have so much fun,” I say while fighting the urge to whisk her straight back to the car.

What I don’t tell her is how I laid awake for hours the night before imagining every possible thing that could go wrong. I don’t tell her that my stomach is knotted in fear and my heart is breaking in two. I don’t tell her that I’m afraid the plane will crash, the wrong person will pick her up on the other side, or that I’ll never see her again.

I don’t tell her any of this.

Instead, I tell her I love her. I smile. I kiss her. I say good-bye. And then I wait.

It’s always in the waiting that doubt creeps in. It’s always in the waiting that God asks the question we can avoid in our busyness.

“Do you trust Me?”

Yes, but what if THIS happens…

“Do you trust Me?”

Yes, but what if THAT happens…

It’s in the waiting that we have a choice. I can either choose to let my imagination run wild, or I can choose to believe that God is in control. It’s the same choice I have each and every day. Do I really believe that God is in control? Do you believe that God is in control? When you lie awake at night going through your “what if” list, and panic sets in, do you believe God is in control? When you watch the news and the world spins out of control, do you believe God is in control? When life falls short of your expectations, do you believe God is in control? When the questions outweigh the answers, do you believe God is in control?

When we don’t believe God is in control, we worry. I’ve been worrying for almost eight years.

And her life isn’t in my control any more than it was on the day she breathed her first breath.

Luke 12:25
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?

I’ve wasted so much time worrying. Life is too short to waste the moments we’ve been given. Trusting God means living fully today, believing that he’s big enough to take care of what happens tomorrow. Worrying steals the joy out of life. I want to trust God completely so I can live this life abundantly.

Psalm 56:3-4, 10-11

But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. I praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?

This I know: God is on my side! I praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?

She calls me from the airport.

She’s out of breath with excitement, and I’m breathing for the first time in two hours.