We’re sitting in the living room filling shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child when he asks the question. Filling shoeboxes that will tell children in a far-off land that a Savior loves them.
They can barely contain the excitement, those kids. They picked out each item, fighting the urge to ask to keep it. Wanting to give, but also wanting to receive. I tell them how the shoeboxes will fly across the world and into the arms of children just like them. I’m sitting there proud, feeling good about getting my kids involved. Patting myself on the back for giving to those in need.
“This will be the only Christmas present they receive,” I tell them in an effort to make them understand what a great thing we are doing. Trinkets from the dollar store stuffed into shoeboxes that will fill empty arms—while Black Friday ads convince us that our overflowing arms don’t have enough.
That’s when he asks me. That’s when my world stands still.
“Why can’t we give them more?”
What do I say to a heart that doesn’t understand the ways of the world? How do I look into those innocent eyes and tell him how hard it is to raise a family in these troubling economic times? Should I list all of the reasons why? Do I tell him that we can’t because each child only gets one shoebox, and it wouldn’t be fair if others get more than one?
So I don’t answer him…I change the subject.
Why? Because the truth is that I know why we can’t give them more, but I don’t want him to know. Deep down, I know the reasons. There are at least a thousand of them.
They are lining our closets. They are parked in our driveway. They are filling our photo albums. They are tightening our pants. They are stuffed under our beds, hidden in our cupboards, and locked in our bank accounts.
But those reasons don’t really matter. It’s not my shoes, my clothes, my cars, my lattés, or my vacations that keep my heart closed to the suffering in the world. There’s only one reason why we can’t give them more. One reason that all the other reasons stem from. This is what keeps me from answering. It’s the truth that stares back at me when I really look hard at myself.
I don’t care.
It’s ugly. It’s humiliating. It’s wrong. But what other reason do I have? What else could possibly make me bulge my home with possessions while millions fight to survive through each day? How can I hunger for more when my closet is bursting with excess? If I cared, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night.
If my heart broke for the lost, the hungry, and the hurting, I wouldn’t know how to stop giving.
I’m reminded of a story about four friends and a paralyzed man. Do you remember this story? It’s found in Mark 2:1-12. The house is bursting at the seams. There isn’t room for anymore. The men bring their friend to Jesus, but they can’t get through. There’s too much in the way. And the people inside, with all their religious piousness, turn a blind eye to the suffering right outside the door.
They are sitting at Jesus’ feet—ignoring the cries of the desperate.
They are sitting at Jesus’ feet—ignoring the cries of the desperate.
Isn’t it interesting that the people closest to Jesus were the ones preventing the hopeless from finding hope? A man desperate for healing can't get to Jesus because the people claiming to want to know him better don’t care enough to move. The cries of suffering should always cause those closest to Jesus to move!
Has anything changed in the past 2000 years? Do we acknowledge the power of Christ, but hoard it for ourselves? Am I like this? Do I sit at the feet of Jesus while I ignore the suffering around me?
The question isn’t why I can’t give more. The question is why don’t I care enough to give more?
This isn’t a ploy to make you feel guilty for your possessions. I’m not suggesting we all sell everything and give it to the poor. There’s nothing wrong with the hustle and bustle of Christmas. I can’t wait to watch my children’s eyes light up with excitement when they see the presents spilling out from under the tree. But honestly, something in my life needs to—must—change.
Will you pray for me and my family? My heart is overwhelmed with a burden for something. The problem is, I don’t know what. What can one person do? I can’t sit back and wonder any longer. Oh, Jesus, give me eyes to see what you see. Give me ears to hear the sounds of suffering that I’ve turned away from for so long. Show me who! Show me how! Show me when!
But more than anything…Jesus, change my stubborn, selfish, supercilious heart into a heart that breaks for what breaks yours.