Safe...or Free?

I grip the counter, my brain refusing to believe what my ears have just heard.

“He called you what?” I ask as my heart falls into my stomach.

Surely I just misheard what she said. Surely a fourth grader doesn’t know about these things. But she says it again. I look up at Ryan, searching his face for answers. Searching his eyes for an anchor to grasp as my fears begin to take me down.

It’s twenty agonizing minutes before the other kids are in bed. Twenty minutes to find enough wisdom to speak truth into a 9 year old’s heart. And I realize I’m bankrupt. I don’t have what it takes to be a parent in these perilous times. My fear is all I can see. Those fears materializing into reality. Those nights lying awake wondering, “What if?” are now becoming “What now?” And I fight the urge to sink into despair.

We sit down and start to talk. Questions I don’t want to ask. Answers I don’t want to hear. And yet a conversation happens that will ring in my heart as one of the most precious I have ever had. I get a glimpse of her thoughts. Thoughts she often keeps guarded. I catch a peek at her heart. A heart she rarely leaves exposed. We talk about things that are uncomfortable. And we laugh. We talk about things that are scary. And we dream. We replace the secrets with light, the lies with truth, and the fears with courage.

Light, truth, and courage can only come from the One who fills my bankrupt soul to overflowing.

Yet my fears still linger. So it wasn’t as bad as I thought...but “what if…”

My instincts tell me, RUN! HIDE! Make sure that nothing bad ever happens so we can be safe.

I lie awake wrestling with my thoughts. That question still burning a hole in my mind

“What if…”

But then I hear another question. A question that send my fears running.

“What if my kids fall so madly in love with Jesus, they flood their school with light?”

“What if we stopped trying to life safe and began living free?”

“What if my kids see a mom who knows who she is in Christ and stops comparing herself to others?”

And as my fears retreat into the shadows, I’m restless for a different reason. My soul begins to stir with excitement. My heart begins to break for this boy, and for so many others who need someone to love them. Someone to share Jesus with them. After all, darkness is merely the absence of light. Darkness has no power of it’s own. It’s only when the light stops shining that darkness reigns. It can’t remain in the presence of light. And I wonder, maybe instead of shaking our heads at the darkness of the world, we should start shining the light in it. Light shines on truth, and truth always sets us free. That’s where I want to live. That’s where I choose to live. It’s always a choice, though. I can hide in my fear anytime I want. But that’s not living. That’s staying in the tomb, bound by the graveclothes of death.

And the questions keep coming...

“What if we actually made a difference in this community?”

“What if the lost were found?”

“What if our passion for Jesus won over our fear of rejection?”

“What if the blind received sight, the prisoners were set free, the broken were healed, the hopeless found hope, the lonely felt loved, the blind could see, and the outcasts invited in?”

“WHAT IF WE WERE A PART OF MAKING THIS HAPPEN?!?!? What if we stopped hiding and started shining?”

I will protect my kids to the death. I understand my responsibility to shelter them. But for too long I’ve used that as an excuse to live asleep--bound by fear, insecurity, and lies. It’s time to LIVE! I don’t want to live safe anymore. I want to live free.

The next night we’re praying together. Praying for this boy who needs hope. This boy who needs a Savior. Those kids in Costa RIca who have hardly anything. Our neighbors down the street. The girls at school who cry out for attention.

And together, we dream of the possibilities.  

It's Time to Change our Thinking

We have a clever enemy. More clever than we give him credit for. I’m only beginning to understand the battle we’re in. This battle for our minds. Isn’t that the trick, though. For how can we win a battle that we aren’t even aware is going on? But the battle is hard. It’s exhausting. I’d rather pretend it isn’t happening. I’d rather keep living asleep.

But what happens when we realize not only is there a battle raging, but that we’ve already won? What would change about our lives if we lived in the triumph of victory rather than in the hopelessness of constant defeat?

It’s so easy for Christians to believe that no matter how hard we try, we can’t earn our way to heaven. We all know this, right? Salvation is a free gift, and no amount of our good works can achieve it.

But what about God’s favor? That’s another story. I have to earn that, right? I have to do enough good things for him to be proud of me. Those days that I fail, when I yell at my kids too much, or I’m just downright selfish, then he’s disappointed in me. At least this is what we’ve been taught.

But there’s a problem with this. If God’s approval of me is based on my performance, then at what point do I receive it? If I yell at my kids ten times is he disappointed, but if it’s only three times, then I make him proud? If I wake up early and read my Bible am I worthy to be in his presence, but if I rush out the door because I overslept, then I’m not? How many mistakes in a day am I allotted? How many times can I fail before God looks at me with disappointment or disgust. Do I have to be perfect? That’s the only way, right? If we’re giving ourselves a standard, and God’s approval is based on that standard, then the only way to earn it is perfection. No wonder most of us walk through life bound by shame and fear. I’ve failed today. More than once. I failed yesterday too.

This is why the enemy is so clever. He’s made us believe that God’s view of us is measured by our performance. Do good things: make God proud. Do bad things: now we’ve disappointed him. But we can’t do enough good things. And we’re always doing the things we know we shouldn’t do. So what do we do?

Heap on the shame and the promises to do better next time. And then fail again.

How many of your promises to overcome sin have ever been fulfilled? Freedom is never found in promises to do better. Freedom is only found in discovering our identity in Christ.

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2

Who doesn’t long to be transformed. Free from the bondage of sin. Free from our insecurities, our shame, our fears. It doesn’t say be transformed by trying harder. It doesn’t say be transformed by feeling bad about yourself and promising to do better next time.

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Everyone always asks, “what’s my part?”

What’s your part? Renew your mind. Exchange the lies with the truth.

When the enemy tells you God is disappointed in you, renew your mind.

He delights in you. Isaiah 62:3-4

When sin knocks at the door, renew your mind.

You’ve been set free. Galatians 5:1

When jealousy takes hold of your heart, renew your mind.

You are a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17

When self-pity makes itself at home, renew your mind.

The King of Kings rejoices over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

When you fail, renew your mind.

You are more than a conqueror. Romans 8, Revelation 12:11

When you’re scared, renew your mind.

The God of heaven’s armies if fighting on your behalf. Exodus 14:14

When you believe you’re not good enough, renew your mind.

You are chosen, holy, beloved, treasured, precious, righteous, forgiven, and redeemed.

Colossians 2:12, 1 Peter 2:9-10, Colossians 1:22, Ephesians 5:27, 2 Corinthians 5:21, Ephesians 1:7, Isaiah 43:1

And let God be the one who transforms you into who he already sees that you are!!

Why do we think that grace is enough to save us from hell, but not enough to receive God’s approval for today. Are my mistakes today too big to keep me in God’s grace?

I think part of the problem is that we are afraid that if we focus too much on grace, it means we’ll keep sinning. Well, has focusing on your sin kept you from sinning?  Beloved, try something new. Just try it and see. Focus on who you are in Christ. See yourself from his perspective, and let him deal with your sin. He seems to be a lot more proficient in dealing with our sin than we are, anyway. It was his sacrifice, after all, that dealt with sin once and for all, right? Why don't we let him have a go at dealing with it today.

It’s time to live FULLY AWAKE and FULLY ALIVE!